Where has the time gone?

January 19, 2010 at 11:13 AM | Posted in EYE believe, Preposterous Ponderance | 2 Comments
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Three months later, apparently. I’m quite certain I was consumed by knitting Christmas presents and planning a couple of trips and now a new member of the family. We now have a beautiful kitty named Hope.

We did a whirlwind trip for Christmas. We drove back to Casper, Wyoming on Christmas Eve to surprise our families. My father-in-law was in on it. We had to bring him in on the surprise as we were sure they were planning on doing that to us and we might have passed each other on the interstate. This was the first long trip we made without me being able to drive. I normally don’t help with the drive, however it was nice knowing that I had the ability to do so.

My Mom got to see a little more of how I need to be led around when there is low-light. Navigating driveways and parking lots covered in ice and snow and under low-light was so difficult. However, I have an awesome husband who has been holding my hand and elbow showing me the way. I weigh a lot more than him and I worry when I fall I’ll hurt him as well. He’s assuring me that won’t happen.

New Year’s Eve we spent mostly driving up to Madison, Wisconsin for our friend’s party. It was great seeing everyone again. We talked and talked and played board and card games. It was a lot of fun. I managed to not hurt myself getting to the bathroom and back to the room I was staying in.

You can have the cleanest floors, the widest hallways, the widest doorways and I will still bump into them. I am covered in mystery bruises and scrapes that I don’t remember how they get there. I know I bruise easily so any brush, bump or whack into something and then I have a reminder.

I had such a wonderful time on both trips and I know that I sound pretty negative about certain things. This is how I live. I have no idea how to be positive when the day is ripe with obstacles.I’ve always been a glass fully empty person. It’s not even half-full. My father has pointed out before how I only remember the bad times. He’s completely correct.

It’s very difficult for me to see the shining good things while I’m allowing the bad things to be large black blots over them. I know there are wonderful things in my life. I’m married to a man who is pretty amazing, patient, helpful, understanding and tolerant. I have a roof over my head. I have a family who loves me. I have opportunities to learn and live the way I want to. However, this are all hidden by something. My inability to drive, to see everything, to go anywhere I want to. I even use my weight as an excuse. I’m very good at labeling myself a lost cause.

I’m the only one who can change this. I’m aware of what needs to change but I’m unable to actually do it and stick with it. I have the best of intentions but the worst of motivation. I’m lucky if I am able to tell myself to close a bag of snacks before I finish the entire thing.

I have a little glimmer of hope that is in a package oddly named Hope. We didn’t name our cat, but it’s fitting. I could watch her for hours, even when she’s asleep. She’s been a brat every once in a while but I know she’s just learning her surroundings and where she can go and can’t go. She also is nocturnal so it’s trying when I’m trying to sleep and she’s clambering all over the room. We’ve had her almost a week and I’m already in love with her. There’s nothing like a purring cat curled up in your bed, whether it’s on your back, chest, side, hip, or feet.

Here she is:

Hope

I have more pictures of her and from my trips on my facebook.

I am going to the regular eye doctor Feb 6th and will see how much my prescription has changed and how coke bottle-like my glasses will have to be. I’m also going to inquire how close my left eye is to being legally blind. I would really be surprised if I’m far away from that point still.

Hope everyone had a great holiday season.

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2 Comments »

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  1. Heya! Hope is a beautiful kitty, and I’m really glad you have her. She’ll probably be a big comfort to you in the coming years. I just wanted to say that you’re a beautiful, strong, smart woman, and I admire your courage in dealing with your eyesight problems as you are. I know that you do tend towards the negative side of things, but I guess they do say practice makes permanent (as I heard it once; I like it better than perfect) so if you remind yourself more what great things you’ve got, hopefully your mood will improve with it. *hugs* I miss you, and hope to see you once I’m back in the States. Or you can come to Europe! 😛

    • Thank you so much for the compliments, hun! I don’t feel courageous but I’d like to be. I like that saying, I will have to remember it. I would LOVE to come see you in Europe, but the little scraps of cash I’m hoarding are towards that ultimate goal of getting my rear to Japan hehe. I miss you tons, too. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you before you moved. I’m so happy your life is going so great, you deserve it!!!


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