Both ends of the spectrum.

April 24, 2009 at 12:11 PM | Posted in Braille Wail, Preposterous Ponderance | Leave a comment
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It is very difficult not to fall into the precipice of despair.

I am currently unemployed and my husband’s insurance isn’t the best so I feel like I’m hemorrhaging money.

I just went into the Retina Specialist yesterday after a month being on drops to lower my eyeball pressure. Thankfully the pressure is down, by quite a bit, but it’s not the best.

Today I get to pick up different drops and diuretic pills. I’m not looking forward to the pills. I had a bad reaction to this specific pill when I took one pill after I had a Kenalog injection in my right eye. My fingers went all tingly and numb and that feeling went up my wrists. The doctor knows this but is having me take this anyway. He said it is a smaller dose, so here’s hoping.

Our insurance doesn’t cover prescriptions so seeing those full prices are upsetting. I know it could be a lot worse. I could have cancer, or other diseases that take a ton of pills. I still feel useless and a burden to my husband.

Every once in a while I get the thought in my head to pack it in. Stop the doctor visits, stop the pills, the drops, the poking, the prodding, everything. Let nature take the vision away without a fight.

My husband spent a large portion of last evening trying to cheer me up whether I liked it or not. Without him I’m quite sure I would hide in a dark corner and wait until the end.

On a good note, the other day I did an entire page of Braille without a mistake! It only took the one try. My last assignment it took me a good 9 pages to get the first page right. Mainly because I wasn’t paying attention.

I need to take a break during it, not push myself to get it perfect all at once. When I’m relaxed I perform much better.

Basically, all of this comes down to preserverance. I don’t want to give up on anything. It may be difficult to be strong but each of us can do it. We are all as strong, if not more, as we need.

Fighting!

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